


This Man

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Points of View, Season/Series 01, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-23
Updated: 2003-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:04:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin has trouble remembering anything and everything after the bashing.





	This Man

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

This man, the one sitting next to me. The one with the powerful eyes, the sad eyes. Eyes that I can feel staring at me, watching me. When I look into those eyes I can almost remember. But he doesn't like me to look straight into his eyes, so there is never enough time to see my past. 

I can remember the simple things. I knew I was in a hospital when I woke up. I knew my name was Justin, but I didn't know this man. This man is different from the others. He stays longer then them, even longer then the one that is my mother. This man doesn't speak much. The short man yells at him for staying so long. He comes when everyone else is leaving, he stays with me until I fall asleep, sometimes he sleeps here, next to my bed never letting go of my hand. His hand feels familiar, it makes me feel safe. 

His words are harsh and powerful when he fights with the short man, but his hands are so gentle, their fingers laced between mine. It is very late. I close my eyes but I can still feel this man watching me. His hand turns cold and it trembles slightly. I can feel his tears on my arm. He thinks I am asleep. He doesn't like to cry when others are around. He has only cried once in front of the others. 

This man was sitting next to me holding my hand. The flamboyant man and the curly haired girl were standing by the window. The short man and the plain man were talking in the doorframe and the red haired woman and my mother were at the foot of my bed. The short man and the plain man became silent and stared through the door. A brown haired boy walked in with a policeman and a woman whom the Red haired woman said was a shrink. This man stood up very fast, dropping my hand. His sad eyes filled with flames and his gentle hands turned angry clenching and unclenching. He picked up a vase full of flowers that was sitting beside my bed and attempted to throw it at the brown haired boy, but the short man caught his wrist and the vase crashed to the ground inches in front of them. He screamed words so loud I couldn't understand what they were. He was scaring me. I didn't know why he so angry with this brown haired boy. I pulled my knees to my chest and watched him from behind my own body. He shook the short man's grip off of his arm sending him to the ground. 

He ran towards the brown haired boy and the policeman grabbed him, holding his wrists tightly behind his back. This man struggled, his teeth grinding between bursts of screams and gasps of breath. My mother and the red haired woman clung to each other with fear in their eyes. The curly haired girl was crying and the Flamboyant man had his hands around her shoulders. The short man was on the ground watching, and the plain man was watching from outside of the door. I heard the "Shrink" say, "Maybe we should do this another time." This man was so angry. His veins were straining against the skin of his neck and his eyes were full of fire. Then the brown haired boy said something that confused me. 

He looked right into this man's eyes and said, "I'm glad he doesn't remember who you are, I hope he never loves you again!" This man's voice cracked with his screams and shouts as the brown haired boy left with the shrink. The policeman was reluctant to let go but he did and this man stood there, expressionless, emotionless. The only sound was the crying of the curly haired girl. 

Silent tears began to spill from this man's eyes. I felt his sadness. It started in my feet and slowly made it's way to my knees, then my waist, and when it got to my eyes, I started to cry. I didn't know why. I didn't remember any of these people. I felt like I was living in a dream and I just wanted to wake up. I wanted this man to hold my hand again and make me feel safe. 

This man sat back down beside me and pulled his chair close to my bed, so close, and he laid his head down on my stomach. His face was turned down to the bed so his crying was muffled. Then he turned his head sideways, and stared up at me. My tears were quiet and fewer then his. His hand gently caressed my face, wiping my tears away. I put my hand over his and laced our fingers once again. It felt right to hold his hand. Looking around the room then down at this man staring up at me with tears pouring down his face, I knew I wasn't alone.   
Then why did I feel like I was. 

Now this man was drifting off to sleep and his tears became fewer. He laid his head down on my stomach like the time he did when the brown haired boy visited. I guess he is gonna sleep here tonight. When I asked the doctors who this man was they told me he wasn't family but he was an important part of my life. They told me it would be best if I remembered him on my own. This man stopped crying and his breathing became shallow. I know he is asleep. I wish I knew why this man's eyes were sad. I think he misses the real me. I wish I could remember... 

This man never says much to me, but he talks a lot with the short man. Usually they are fighting. My ears adjusted to their voices as I drifted out of sleep. I left my eyes closed so they wouldn't know I was awake. I heard them arguing, "You can't take him out of here until he remembers who you are." "There will be things to remind him at the loft, and I don't think I can sleep here another night." "Then don't" "I can't leave him alone... I don't want to." "Do what you want, I don't want to be a part of this." The short man had given up. The short man gave up most of their fights. 

I made my eyes flutter so this man would think I was just waking up. He turned and noticed my gesture. My eyes were still fluttering when I felt his hand. It was clammy. When I opened my eyes I saw how pale his face was, and how tired he looked. His mouth was slightly open, and I knew by his posture that he was about to talk. "Justin... There is no point in you being here when... when you could be someplace else that is familiar... someplace that might help you remember...I want to take you home... I mean to the loft." "The loft?" I saw this man's eyes turn sad again and they became glassy with unshed tears. "It's where I live." "Oh" "I'm going to see if it's alright with your mom. Is it alright with you?" "I guess, if it's alright with her, it's alright with me." 

The corners of this man's mouth turned up for the second time since I have been awake. My chest tingled when he smiled. It felt good. He placed my hand on my chest and walked out of the room. I could see him talking with my mother from where I was. Her face showed worry. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go with this man or not. It would be nice to be near him more. He made me feel good. I wouldn't see the others as much though. I wondered if I would be safe with this man. I guess if my mother thinks I will be then I will. This man walked into the room with a huge smile. The tingling was even greater this time. It wiggled up my spine and I smiled too, arching my back ever so slightly. I knew she had said yes and I felt a tiny burst of happiness in my stomach. This man didn't say a word. He just smiled, sat down and pulled his chair close, so close, to my bed and held my hand. 

I walked into this man's apartment. Everyone called it his loft. At first I just stood there, taking in everything. I searched the room for anything I might remember. I saw a chaise lounge near us. *~*~looking down on this man's smiling face covered in ice cream~*~* Then I look to the bedroom. There is only one bed. "Where am I going to sleep?" I ask without thinking first. His face looks stunned at first then he gestured with his hand towards the bed. "What about you" The same thing. 

I look down at my feet for an instant before I hear him begin to undress. It is late and we both ate at the hospital. He must be getting ready to go to bed. I take his lead and start to undress. I stop at my pants and look over at him. I am wondering how much I should take off when I hear my voice inside of my own head. This man is beautiful... it says. He notices my stillness and gently breaks the silence by saying, "You don't have to take your pants off if you don't want to." 

He has taken off all his clothes except for the tight briefs he wears as underwear. I was going to leave my pants on but I knew they would be uncomfortable so I slid them off. I pick up my clothes and hold them in my arms. This man does the same to his and walks towards the bedroom. I follow him. He takes my clothes from my arms and puts them with his in a laundry bag. I feel bare...vulnerable, standing there in my underwear. I could feel every movement of wind. I felt like I was in a dream again. I'm brought back to reality when I feel this man's fingers weave between mine. He lets me look into his eyes for an instant. Just long enough to see the sadness is still there. This man leads me around the bed and pulls back the sheets. He offered the bed to me and I sat down, never letting go of his hand. I feel scared. "Don't be afraid." It was like he could read my mind. I did feel a bit better after I had relaxed and stretched out under the soft sheets of this man's bed. I turned on my side facing the wall. This man was in the bathroom. I heard him walk in and I felt the bed shake slightly as he climbed in. We weren't touching but I knew he was only inches from me. 

Then I felt his hot breath on my neck. I shut my eyes tightly and shuddered as the tingles shot from the back of my neck to the rest of my body. I stiffened. His hand glided over my hips and rested on my stomach where he began rubbing his hand in slow comforting circles. His hand was cold on my warm skin causing a whole new tingling sensation. Another exhale of his hot breath and I let out a slow quiet moan. He pulled me to him and I was amazed at how perfectly I fit next to him. I let my body relax. This man grew cold, and he trembled slightly. I felt his tears on my cheek and neck. 

*~*~Hot breathing, mumbled words, wet tongues dancing...~*~* My eyes shot open from my dream as I felt the bed move beneath me. This man was carrying me to the bathroom. "Wha's goin on?" I managed to force out. My eyes were sensitive to the light filling the room. "I don't want to leave you here alone, but I have to go to work, so I'm taking you with me." I wanted to ask where he worked but my mouth was already tired. 

He set me down on the toilet. Then he turned on the shower and removed his underwear. He reached for the waistband of mine but I stood up quickly causing him to fumble. I caught his eyes... *~*~Pressed tightly against the glass of a shower a man's hands were gripping my hips and I could feel his skin sliding against mine. I could see the mirror through the glass. I glanced up at it long enough to see the face behind me. This Man.~*~*...then let him pull down my underwear and lead me into the shower. 

He began to wash me.  
The way this man touches me...   
He knows my body better then I do.  
He must be my lover.

I was wearing clothes that this man had given me. We were heading to the door and this man grabbed a backpack from behind his couch. He slung it over his shoulder... *~*~Walking into a hallway, there is a locker, It's mine, and hurtful words are written across it. Turning to run I drop the backpack and as I glance back I see the curly haired girl pick it up. The look on her face a mixture of sorrow, anger, and worry~*~* ...and opened the door for me. He leads me down to his black jeep. The ride to his office is silent. I finally break the silence. "What's in the backpack?" "I didn't want you to get bored, so I brought some of your stuff to keep you busy."   
"Oh, thank you."  
T he tingles return when he glances over at me with a smile. I find myself smiling back, as we pull into a parking garage for the tall building looming above us. He must have a really good job. We take the elevator up to his floor and step into his office. There is a woman at a desk there. She calls me by name. "Hey Justin, what are you doing here." 

"Uhh..."   
"He's visiting, did I get any messages?"  
"No."   
"Thank you Cynthia."   
"Bye, Justin."   
"Yah, bye." This man practically drags me into the next room,   
where his desk is.   
He has a big desk with a glass top and a huge leather chair. He 

sets the backpack down on the desk and pulls up a chair for me. He sits down in the leather chair and begins to work. A moment later he stares up at me. I am still standing there looking around. "Justin." He gets my attention. "Do you want to sit down?" "Okay," My voice is very quiet and I slowly lower myself to the chair. This man pulls the backpack off of his desk and sets it in my lap. 

I slowly unzip the backpack. I know it is mine. I saw it in my head when I dropped it and ran from the hallway. I remember. I peer inside. This man says he put stuff in here for me to do. All I see is a book of paper, and some pencils. I open the book of paper. It's a sketchpad. 

The first page is blank. I flip to the next page... *~*~ another hospital. No... the same hospital. This man is holding a baby, a newborn.. asking it for a smile. ~*~* ...it is a picture of a baby. The baby that I saw with this man. 

"Wow, these are good, who did them?"   
This man stopped working and stared down at his desk. I think 

he was afraid he would cry if he looked at me, so he just kept staring at his desk and said, "You did." As I looked through the sketchbook, I saw many people from the hospital. There was a sketch of the red haired woman with the short man. There was a sketch of the flamboyant man with the plain man. There was a picture of two women and the baby from the first sketch. 

I turned to the last sketch in the book... *~*~ This man's eyes fluttered but did not open. His lips were parted slightly. I knew he was dreaming. My pencil fit loosely in my hand as I sketched out this man's sleeping figure hurriedly. I didn't want him to wake up in the middle of my drawing. When I was pleased with my work, I no longer cared whether he woke up or not. I just wanted to touch him. To feel his rippling muscles under my fingers. I straddled him and ran my hands up his ~*~* ... my vision is interrupted by this man talking. He talked slowly, making sure I would listen, "Of all the sketches you have done of me, that one is my favorite. I remember seeing it thrown on the floor after you woke me up. You were," I cut him off. "Sitting on top of you, running my hands up your chest. I could feel every muscle." 

When I finished this man's sentence with a memory he was stunned. He just stared at me. Then a huge smile spread across his face. A feeling rushed from my fingers and toes to my chest. He stood up causing his leather chair to roll back and crash against the wall. He didn't seem to notice. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close to his body. His arms were wrapped around my waist. His mouth was so close to mine. My lips were slightly parted, and they ached for contact. His hot breath gently caressed my face. He squeezed me tighter and my feet lifted off the ground as he twirled around. *~*~People stood around and stared. I recognized one; it was the curly haired girl. This man's arms wrapped around me, lifting me off the ground. The happiest I've ever felt, and this man was with me.~*~* I found myself smiling at his playfulness. He stopped spinning but I was still above the ground. His mouth was so close to my ear I could feel him talk. "Let's celebrate." 

This man had packed up his work and thrown it on the floor. He grabbed my hand once again, telling the woman that must be his secretary we were off to celebrate. She was half way through her sentence in which she asked why but was cut off when the door slammed. 

I was curious to see what this man had in store for me. He drove us back to his apartment. He was all smiles. "Where are we going to celebrate?" I couldn't hold out any longer. "Well, I'll call the guys and we'll go to Woodys then Babylon." "What are they?" I saw some joy drain from his face as he cleared his throat then answered, "Some clubs we went to a lot." 

He picked out a tight orange shirt and a pair of blue pants for me to wear. He changed into a simple pair of jeans and a white wife beater. He looked sexy all the same. He told me it was a waste to shower since I would just get sweaty from dancing but I insisted and while I was in the shower he called "The Guys" 

We met them at Woodys. The guys consisted of the short man, the plain man, and the flamboyant man. Standing next to one another they all looked so different. The short man put his arm around me and smiled. "How's it goin' Boy Wonder?" This man answered for me. "Everything is great, we are here to celebrate Justin's new found memory. I'm afraid we can't share the details with you all, it's kind of private." All three men rolled their eyes. "Let's shoot some pool." The plain man broke the short silence. 

I leaned against the pool table watching the men get their pool sticks. This man divided the teams, pointing to each man as he said their names. "Ted and Emmett, against me, Justin and Mikey." It was the first I had heard their actual names. The short man was Mikey, the Plain man was Ted, and the Flamboyant man was Emmett. Emmett piped up, "That's not fair, you have three." This man pulled me in front of him, he pressed himself tightly against me and put his head on my shoulder. "There, now it's two and two." 

The game went on for about an hour. We lost. This man didn't seem to mind. I could tell he was having fun. He almost never left the hospital when I was there, and when he did it was to go to his apartment and take a shower. 

We parked in front of a gay nightclub named Babylon. This man led the way up the steps to the entrance and I became instantly timid as we stepped inside. I fumbled for this man's hand. He took my hand and squeezed it relaxing me a bit. There were so many men. A song I recognized began to play. Let's here it for the boy... This man pulled me to the dance floor, and our bodies moved to the music like the men around us. *~*~ My legs wrapped around his waist. Let's here it for the boy... There were so many men in the club, but this man was the only one I saw.~*~* 

I leaned on this man as he leaned against me. We held each other up. We had been dancing for over three hours. Barely moving to the fast paced song, we decided it was time to leave. We just hadn't wanted the good night to end. 

When this man opened the door to his loft for me, I was laughing softly and mumbling about something. He led me stumbling into the bathroom, and started to take my clothes off. My eyes had a mind of their own and wouldn't open. He gently pushed me into the hot spray of the shower and I fell forward, not being able to see anything. He caught me by the waist, and held me up. He shook me slightly to wake me up, then let me find my feet and stand on my own. He then turned to rinse, and my eyes opened just enough to see his body radiating underneath the water. I moaned inwardly at his essence. I stepped forward and in front of him. My back to him I leaned back, my eyes were closed again and my head rested on his shoulder. 

This man sighed as he found my hands. He held them tight then slowly rubbed his way to my wrists, then my elbows, then my shoulders. I could feel his hot breath on my neck again. His hands ran their way to my chest, and then began their decent on my torso. His neck curled and his head turned. His hands were at my stomach. He kissed my neck. I began to moan. His hands were at my waist. His teeth grazed my sensitive skin. I groaned. His hands were at my hips. *~*~"Justin!!!" I turned with a joyful smile on my face. I saw the blood flowing behind my eyes, and fell.~*~* My insides were loosing control. 

His tongue traced my jaw. The hot water couldn't keep me from turning cold. A tear rolled from under my eyelid. I was shaking. More tears. I pulled his hands from my hips and pushed him away from me. "No, No, No" I was saying, I couldn't control myself. I heard him hit the shower wall as I ran soaking wet from the shower. I slipped on the bathroom tile, my ankle twisted, and I screamed. "No, No, No" I was still saying without reason. The pain in my ankle was nothing compared to the panic I felt. I somehow managed to stand up and hobble my way to the door. I wanted out. I wanted out of this dream, this nightmare. I fell again only feet from the door. *~*~No, No, No,"~*~* This voice didn't belong to me. "Argh..." A scream of agony escaped my lips. It wasn't about my ankle. I was shaking uncontrollably. I heard the footsteps before I felt the strong arms lift me off of the cold floor and into a towel. "No, No, No..." My voice cracked and I struggled. My arms reached to where I thought the door was, but I couldn't see it. 

All I could see was the blood behind my eyes. 

I tried to move. I couldn't. I tried to scream, but I couldn't. All I could do was listen. I listened to myself being pulled from a car and carried into a noisy building. My hand hit an open door. I wanted to rub it, but I couldn't. I couldn't open my eyes. I was spinning. I started to panic again. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I move, or speak, or open my eyes? Then I remembered seeing the blood and shaking, and slipping on the tile and then I remember everything stopping. Everything except the blood, but there wasn't any. It was just a memory. Then why did I shake and panic whenever I thought of it? 

I heard voices, but I couldn't understand what was said or whom they belonged to. I was still spinning. Spinning, spinning, then I was still. The raindrops hit me softly, causing a sound so gentle, it made me think of the wings of an angel gliding through a star spotted sky. The clouds were incredibly white. Sunshine speared through the angelic clouds. The sunshine shone white leading through the clouds. The first thought in my head was heaven. Did I die? The smell was familiar. I was in the same hospital less then two days ago. I slowly opened my eyes. The room was very, very dark. The only light was coming from the crack under the closed door. I was alone, until this man walked through the door, letting a stream of bright light enter the room. I squinted trying to see. He was carrying a cup of coffee. He closed the door behind him and avoided my eyes as he sat down in the chair beside my bed. 

"I see you're awake." I felt humiliated about the way I acted. I said the only thing I knew to say. 

"I'm sorry, it wasn't because of you."   
"Why was it?" I fidgeted, remembering seeing the blood behind   
my eyes.  
"I don't know how to explain it, it was a memory, and it   
scared me... A lot." He just nodded, still avoiding eye contact.   
"You twisted your ankle." He gestured to the foot of the bed   
where my ankle was.   
"Did I hurt you?"  
"I'll have a bruise on my back, but that's all." Again, I   
said the only thing I could think of.  
"I'm sorry." He had dark circles under his eyes. I pulled 

back the sheets and sat up in the bed. I was about to fling my feet over the side of the bed, but this man pulled the sheets back up and pushed me back down on the bed. 

"What are you doing?"  
"Well, we are going to leave right?"  
"We're not going anywhere, the doctors say you should stay   
here tonight." I started to panic again.  
"You mean you're leaving without me? No, you can't leave me 

here, I want to go with you..." My voice rose as I talked and I tried to get out of the bed. This man stood up and held my arms to the bed. He talked in a gentle soothing voice. 

"Justin, it's okay, calm down."  
"No, no, no, I want out."  
"Your fine here, I'm not going to leave you, so just relax." 

I was still breathing heavily and could feel my blood rushing through my veins but I found myself trusting this man, and I slowly became calm. 

I tried my best to match my breathing with this man's. I was finally drifting off to sleep. This man was holding my hand. He had to reassure me many times that everything would be okay. Then he kissed me. It was so feather light I could barley feel it, just hard enough to know it was there. When he pulled away, I lifted my head to catch his lips. I laid my head back down, taking this man's mouth with me. He was caught by surprise but didn't hesitate to kiss me back. We just stayed that way for a while. Softly kissing. 

He placed his free hand on my stomach. He must have felt the nervous energy from my mouth, and he started to rub. He knew it would relax me. The fabric of my hospital gown and the sheets felt uncomfortable scratching against my skin as this man rubbed, so I pushed down the sheets a bit, and lifted up my hospital gown exposing my stomach. He kept rubbing in soothing circles. I felt the same sensations I did the last time he rubbed me this way. His cold hand on my warm skin felt so good. I moaned into his mouth and he responded by tracing my bottom lip with his tongue. 

His movements were slow and gentle. His hand started to explore my chest and then rested just below my navel. His raspy whisper into my mouth made me tremble. 

"Can I touch you?" I didn't answer. I just covered his hand with mine and guided it underneath the sheets to the waistband of my underwear. I left his hand resting there and my hand retreated back to my side. His gentle finger traced the border of the waistband, half on the fabric, and half on my skin. All the while we kissed. Slowly I slipped my tongue between this man's lips, I rubbed the roof of his mouth and he took it as the go ahead. His hand disappeared into my underwear. I could feel the body heat from his hand getting closer. 

The door hinges creaked as the door opened, spilling light into the room. This man's hand escaped from under the sheets, and he stood up abruptly, turning to face the door. I lifted my upper body off of the bed to see who it was.  
It was my mother. Her hair was unbrushed and she wore an overcoat. Her hand lingered on the doorknob as her breathing slowed then it rested next to her hip. I sighed and fell back into my pillow, disappointed that she had interrupted us. This man spoke to her. 

"I told you, you didn't have to come, he's fine."  
"He's my son, of course I had to come." This man exhaled 

loudly before plopping down into the chair, also disappointed. My mother rushed to my side and held my other hand. She kissed my forehead. I looked up at her with my best pair of innocent eyes, and she smiled weakly, obviously exhausted. 

"Well, Now that I know you are alright I'll be leaving. Watch him sweetie." When she said the last sentence she gestured towards this man. 

After I watched her leave, and take the stream of light with her I looked over at this man eagerly expecting to take up where we left off. 

He was asleep. 

Sunshine danced into the room, tickling my skin. I heard noises from the hallway. This man walked in with a smile on his face. Then he laughed. I shuddered, and tingles rolled down my spine. I wasn't sure what to say. 

"What's so funny?"   
"Emmitt. It's queen day where he works. As if he 

wasn't 'queeny' enough he's got a wig on and everything." He laughed again, shaking his head. I glanced towards the door hoping to get a glance of Emmitt. I could use a laugh, I thought to myself, the sinking feeling returning to my stomach. Lifting my eyebrows I echoed my thoughts. 

"Can I leave today?"   
"Yup, doctors say anytime your ready." I felt the blood flow 

through my veins. I didn't know why I hated hospitals all of a sudden. I don't hate them when I was here four days ago. I flung the sheets off of me, and swung my legs over the side of the bed, then jumped to my feet. I flinched, being painfully reminded that I had twisted my ankle. 

"Whoa. Slow down, Justin." This man supported me as my knees bended trying to ease the pain. I looked up shining him an unconvincing smile. He knew better, pushing me down onto the bed. 

"Just sit, I'll pull the jeep around." With that he squeezed my hand and headed out the door. 

By the time this man had come back a nurse had helped me out of bed and into a wheelchair. I told her I didn't need one, I had an ankle brace. She insisted saying it was hospital policy. 

We drove back to this man's loft in silence. The asent in the elevator was also silent. He slid the door open for me. 

"I'm gonna take a shower. Do you want to take one?" Considering my latest showering escapade, I ignored the dirty hospital feeling that stuck to me and replied,"No thanks." 

"Well, okay. Why don't you watch tv or put on some music, or...you know...anything you want." He gestured to the couch before disappearing into the bathroom. 

I just stood there for a moment, looking around the loft. It was familiar now, some bits and pieces form the past connected with parts of it. While others still seemed brand-new. I sighed, and walked over to the couch. Squeezing my hands between my knees I stared at the TV. I had enough TV at the hospital so I decided to listen to some music. 

I clicked on the radio. Commercials. I clicked on the cd player. It was a three cd changer. The first cd began to play. It was classical. I stuck out my tongue and switched to the second cd. I knew this song. It was Stand by Me. I moved to the next song on the cd. This song was familiar too. I sat down on the couch, and wrinkled my forehead in thought. Where had I heard this before. My eyes grew wide. *~*~ So darlin', save the last dance for me~*~* I bite my lip. 

I closed my eyes and thought hard. *~*~ "Laugh and sing but while we're apart don't give your heart to anyone" This Man's smile hid his face. His laughter echoed through my body... "JUSTIN!!" ... I turned with a smile and saw the blood behind my eyes before I fell. ~*~* 

I began to cry. I wanted to run, but my body wouldn't listen to my brain. I just sat there. Memories started to flood my head. Along with the good memories came the awful ones. My ankle throbbed and my eyes burned as the tears refused to stop. I shut my eyes tight trying to make them stop.   
They just kept coming, replacing all the tears I had forgotten that were shed in my past. The puzzle of my life was filling up fast and I was drowning. Drowning in my sorrow, my self-pity. How could I be so stupid. I wanted so bad to remember all my wonderful memories I forgot there were bad ones too. 

Visions of my father passed behind my eyes. I heard a door fling open and then rushing footsteps from the bathroom. This man saw me crying and heard the song. 

I heard him speak, and I opened my eyes. I felt suddenly calm. The last few pieces fell into place. All but one, I just knew this one must be important. 

"Shit, why the fuck did I have to go and buy that..." He stopped talking and looked down at me. I had stopped crying. It felt as if a thousand bricks were lifted from my shoulders. This man sat down beside me. He was the piece missing. I closed my eyes tight and squeezed out one last tear drop. He wiped it away with his finger and sighed. I wondered what he was thinking. He had a towel recklessly wrapped around his waist, and still had some shampoo in his hair. This man looked into my eyes. And the last piece fell into place. 

Brian. This man is Brian. A smile creeped onto my face, and I whispered. "Brian." His face lit up and he stared at me then stood up and pulled me to him. 

He cried. "Justin, I've missed you so much." We stayed that way while the song ended. He kept crying and began to rock from side to side. I pulled away just enough to look into his eyes. "Save the last dance for me?" I reached behind him and flipped on the radio. I was so tired and my ankle hurt so he lifted me off the ground and held me tight. He swayed us from side to side as the music played. 

To watch the leaves grow on the trees with you is out of question. I walk into this summer all alone the usual session. You feel your instinct then you act but was it your intention, To leave me down and broken now you've ended our ascension. Yeah.   
I still can feel the beach sand in my shoes. Remember when, We talked along the ocean's song 'til blue from black fade in? But that was then I learned to live without you far within'. I ask you why you're back to try to let me lose again? You brought me here you wet my taste.   
You disapeer without a trace.   
It wasn't me who made the call.   
'Cause now I wanna' be.   
Where you sleep,   
Where you laugh,   
Where you breathe,  
And I hate to say,   
Still I sway,  
Brown your eyes,   
Gone away.   
Should I feel some closure I deserve if that at least. And would you be so kind to show reasons for your release? You woke me up from a distant past I left behind complete. The message that you sent that night now falls to bittersweet. Was it me my honesty?   
You fail to show I never know.   
It wasn't me who made the call.   
'Cause now I wanna' be.   
Where you sleep,   
Where you laugh,   
Where you breathe,   
And I hate to say,   
Still I sway,  
Brown your eyes,   
Gone away.   
Was it me my honesty?   
You fail to show I never know.   
You brought me here you wet my taste.   
You disapeer without a trace.   
Did ya' think I'd ever lead you wrong? Just know I'll save all of our moments that we are. Still I wanna' be.   
Where you sleep,  
Where you laugh,  
Where you breathe,   
And I hate to say,  
Still I sway,   
Brown your eyes,   
Gone away.   
Now I wanna' be.   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
Where you sleep,   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
Where you laugh,   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
where you breath.   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
And I hate to say,   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
Still I sway,   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
Brown your eyes,   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
Gone away.   
Someday you'll wish you never.   
It took you long enough.   
It took you long enough. 

When the song was over I was almost asleep. He carried me to the bed and put me under the sheets. I had never been so exhausted in all my life. He climbed in behind me and again I was amazed at how perfectly we fit next to each other.  
I woke the next morning to the sound of this man singing in the kitchen. I yawned and he noticed me. He jumped into bed next to me. "Good morning, Sunshine." He kissed me on the forehead. 

This man. This man sitting next to me. This man's sad eyes are gone, and all I now see in them is joy and relief. Brian. This man they call Brian. This man I call Brian. 

"A penny for your thoughts." He says. I smile to myself and think : he's gonna need a nickel.


End file.
